Finding Value: How You See Your Self

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Who Are You

I recently attended a retreat where I only knew 1 person. As I sat speaking with a stranger who was also attending she asked, “who are you,” I sat there a moment too long then said, “what do you mean.” If this seems weird to you just know it also did to me. I felt like she was asking a much bigger question, like she was trying to figure out the nuts and bolts of who I was.

Who I Am

I’m Holly. I’m passionate! Passionate about my savior Jesus, my husband, my kids, my friends and family. I’m passionate about blogging, making healthy food do-able for families, regardless of the skill, budget, or the willingness of the whole family. I’m passionate about food allergies and the role they play in the health of so many children and their families.

I am not a great house keeper but hospitality is important to me. I love having company and usually go overboard for my guests. I’m also no fashionista and prefer to dress comfortably in jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers for any occasion. I don’t put a lot of value in a super clean house or wearing the perfect outfit.

That’s me.

Finding Value

You may have read my story of beginning a plant-based diet and losing weight. Shedding 20 pounds can do a lot for a person. I felt pretty close to indestructible. None of my old clothes fit and people couldn’t help but comment. I was flying pretty high and expected to stay that size forever.

Destroying the Idols

Sometime after the beginning of this year I realized I was feeling fatigued ALL THE TIME. I really didn’t want to do anything. I was still eating plant-based but it wasn’t all homemade. We practically lived on fast food bean burritos during part of that time.

Here I was “Miss Plant-Based Blog Girl” and I didn’t want to cook. Big Sigh. I also began putting on weight. It was slow at first but there was a 2 month period in the spring where I gained about 15 pounds. That is not normal, even if I was eating garbage I shouldn’t have gained that much weight. (Also we were figuring out my youngest sons allergies at this time…exhausting all on its own).

I had my yearly well woman exam and nothing seemed to alert my doctor. I have a history of thyroid issues but upon exam it didn’t raise any alarms. I called my Naturopath and made an appointment. She understands and supports our diet, she listened to my concerns and agreed that something was wrong. She palpated my thyroid and taught me how to do it. She said one side was very enlarged and ordered blood work.

Once the results came in we discovered that my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was high, meaning I had an underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism). Well that explains a lot.

I opted out of prescription drugs, at least for now, and I’m trying to fix my thyroid naturally. I’ll retest in another month (it’s been 2 months since we got this figured out) then weigh my options. Once I started taking the supplement my energy level went up, I’m not as achy, and I’ve noticed other symptoms improved as well. I haven’t lost any weight though.

Be Still

See I had begun to find value in my size and when I weighed significantly more I felt like less. I still loved Jesus, my husband, kids, family and friends. I was still blogging, entertaining and being me.

I felt God whisper, “I’m teaching you something” and I tried to listen.

When I was thinner I put a lot of pride in the size 4 I was wearing. I seriously want to tell people, these are a 4, I’m wearing a 4!!! Silly I know. That size 4 had become an idol to me. I valued it and wanted all to know. I didn’t set out to do it but I placed (part of) my value in being in a smaller size.

Being back to my pre-plant-based size part of me felt like a fraud. I found my self wanting to tell everyone, I have a thyroid problem, this isn’t me. Seriously, I did tell people.

Finally I began telling myself My Size Does Not Determine My Value.

I find value in my role as a wife and a mom and in my ability to blog and create recipes and truly in many other things. Ultimately as a Christ follower I find my identity and value in Christ. When I take my eyes off of Him and put them on me I just can’t measure up.

It’s important to know the truth so you don’t listen to lies.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

In Him I am complete. Colossians 2:10

I’m Christ’s friend. John 15:15

I have confidence that He hears me. 1 John 5:15

I am chosen. 1 Peter 2:9

I can do all things through Christ. Philippians 4:13

God is for me Romans. 8:31

Nothing can separate me from Christ’s love. Romans 8:35

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Gal 2:20

 A Long Journey

This has been a long journey and it’s not over. I’m still working toward health. I’m being more careful with my diet, shopping for bigger clothes and clinging to my Savior. I hope I can report back in a few months and give a huge success story. A part of me feel like the bigger success has already been won. Reaffirming my identity in Christ takes the pressure off.

You Still With Me

If you ready all of this then God Bless YOU! Thanks for walking with me. Feel free to leave encouragement or your own story in the comments. I didn’t mention the product I’m taking for my thyroid for a reason. I don’t want to lead anyone to self diagnose. If you leave a comment please leave out specific medicine/products that could cause problems if used improperly.  Thank you!

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